Let's Call it What it is.

Until today -  I've shared this photo with only a handful of people in my life because, well, it's embarrassing.  

The people that I shared it with - were my closest friends.  My drinkin' buddies! The people I spent the most time with at that point in my life - I actually looked through a Facebook message thread today to track it down because I had remembered sending it to them.  Oh, how we had laughed.

You wanna see it? Well, here it is! This was a brand new all white t-shirt the night before - and those darkest spots - are blood.

Let's call this picture what it is...

sad.

stupid.

dangerous.

Those are the first words that come to mind.

Although my friends and I joked about it as we'd done so many times before about one of us doing something really freakin' dumb - there is actually nothing that is funny about this picture.

I had been drinking the night prior.  I woke up like this.  I sat up and shook my husband awake and I said, "What the HELL happened to me?" and he didn't know.  I got up and got myself into the shower and realized my hair was so matted with blood that it was running out red with the shower water! Once I got out and assessed myself I noticed I had a small cut on my chin - and if you've cut your head or face before you know those will bleed real good.

I could NOT remember what had happened - but eventually - my brain came alive and I came across a memory of me misstepping and falling and I remembered the new boots I had had on and sure enough they were scuffed up. I had gone upstairs and gone to bed after that and I was covered up - and so my husband didn't know.

I had also fallen backwards in my driveway once about a year prior to this event and cut the back of my head open a little.  My drinkin' buddies and I laughed about it.  

I'd once stripped down into my skivvies, swam in a pond, and then proceeded to get out, get dressed, and WALK the half a mile from there to my house. Alone.  In the dark.  On my road that has no streetlights and very few houses.

I slipped on ice drunk and landed on my tailbone once and it hurt for THREE full years after. Do not recommend.

There are, unfortunately, many more examples, but you get the point.

Let's call it what it is - something many of you are familiar with.  

If this isn't familiar to you - then this post isn't for you.

I wouldn't be putting this out onto the internet if I didn't think that a whole lot of you have your own drinkin' mishap stories.  Maybe yours include falls, wardrobe malfunctions, dance parties, singing the best karaoke you ever sang, getting into fights, setting yourself on fire, breaking your arm, smackin' your significant other around, throwing up all over yourself, going home with a stranger, saying things that hurt someone, or betraying (or maybe being betrayed by) a friend.

Couple of these are harmless and fun (I mean drunk me was a real karaoke superstar, guys!).  Most in fact though, are definitely not.  

The ones that are not - are followed by regret. If you carry a lot of these stories of regret then you are the target audience of this post and if you are in fact part of the target audience of this post then you KNOW what often happens when you wake up -

--You come to in the morning--

*Head hurts... and mouth is SO dry.*
*Opens one eye and rolls over to see if there's some water nearby*
*Head HURTS HURTS and you need some ibruprofen*
*Wonders why heart is pounding so hard*
*Begins collecting flashbacks from the previous night's events*
*Checks to see if you have your phone*
*Checks to see who you drunk texted*
*Checks your social media activity to see if you posted anything stupid*
*Checks your bank account to see if it's still in the green*

*Checks kitchen to see what kind of food binge was had*
*Thinks if you ate something maybe it would help*

*Also thinks eating could go either way and you might just throw up instead*
*Excessive visits to the toilet*

*Considers staying in bed all day if possible*

*-Insert any other favorite hangover symptom here-*

and then what do you say to yourself while you're feeling like trash? Say it with me -

"I HAVE GOT TO STOP DOING THIS." 

You tell yourself you're only drinking beer next time, having a glass of water between each drink next time, having no more than 2 or 3 max next time, you'll eat more before drinking next time, you'll buy a smaller bottle of wine next time, you'll get to bed earlier next time, etc.

But us humans, see, we don't learn too fast and by the time Thursday rolls around you have somehow forgotten how awful it felt when you woke up that morning after partying hard all last weekend.  Some of you forget by afternoon each day and stop right back at the store on your way home from work. Some of you throw a shot of something in your morning coffee before work because you swear by "the hair of the dog" method and you just need it to feel straight and keep that hangover from creepin' up. 

Maybe some of you are "lucky" enough that you don't really get too hungover regardless of how many you throw back but you still have an arsenal of regrets from drinking.

Let's call it what it is - abusing alcohol.

Let's call abusing alcohol what it is - a means of avoiding or coping with some kind of unwanted and uncomfortable feelings.  (I mean, I don't know if the dictionary says that - but I've been on my own journey, and talked to enough people and done enough research that I think it's a pretty good definition.) 

I don't want to include everything that I have learned from my alcohol abuse journey in one post but I do want to leave you with two things to start -

A LOT of people are doing this to themselves, and they want to stop - not just you.  

A sober life is the very best gift that I have EVER given myself and I am convinced that it can be that for you too if you'll put in the work.  You are worth it.

Sincerely,

-K.

If you liked this post - be sure to bookmark and stop back now and then because I will be sharing more of my journey with you. #DAY842